


Something to believe in

by MangaBitch



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Absent Parents, Affectionate Insults, Asian Character(s), Awkward Flirting, Budding Love, Crushes, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dork Jean Kirstein, Eren Is a Little Shit, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, First Crush, First Kiss, First Love, Flirting, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gay Ymir (Shingeki no Kyojin), Heterosexuality, Hidden Talents, Injury, Insults, Jealous Jean Kirstein, Jealousy, Jean needs more love, Loss of Parent(s), Love, Menstruation, Military, Mistaken Identity, Mutation, Orphans, Pain, Protective Ymir (Shingeki no Kyojin), Puberty, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Secret Admirer, Secret Crush, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Shyness, Social Anxiety, Sparring, Teasing, The Talk, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Young Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 09:17:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8839009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MangaBitch/pseuds/MangaBitch
Summary: Madoka Aoyama is 5th in her ranking rivaling the hotheaded suicidal bastard Eren Yeager. For the longest time she has idolized and been in love with his rival Jean Kirstein. His best friend Marco is the only one who knows of her feelings and helps in any way he can; but after they lose him their world falls apart. Will Madoka ever find the strength to confess to the boy she loves?





	1. New friend or new crush

**Author's Note:**

> After watching the first training episodes of AOT/SNK I noticed that Jean doesn't have many admirers (Romantic sense). He has a thing for Mikasa but she pays him no mind and Marco is his only best friend. Guy aint to popular which is a shame but sometimes understandable
> 
> So I thought why not give him an admirer who see's his qualities due to self doubt and pressure. The OC is often mistaken for Mikasa because of her similar appearance causing her a lot of stress. Also deals with self consciousness and modesty despite being highly skilled as a trainee.

Jean sat sulkily at his table watching Mikasa dote over Eren. He really couldn't understand how a mouthy shit like Eren got a girl like Mikasa. He probably wouldn't for the rest of his life. She was perfect, driven, powerful and polite; the perfect woman if not somewhat complex. However, he admired that about her and hated how Eren took her for granted so much; ungrateful little shit.

He mouthed people off, he treated her like shit and pushed her away when she tried to help him. If she tried to stop him from doing something stupid he would yell at her and tell her to back off. God he really was an ungrateful little turd.

Meanwhile Marco watched as his best friend gazed over a girl he could never have. While he would never judge Jean, he would always help with advice; and in this case Mikasa was out of his league.

She only had eyes for Eren and he was all she thought about. While she had close friends and comrades she looked out for; Eren was undoubtedly precious to her. Love was always complicated and something you could never control. Given they were still kids themselves; love was difficult to understand.

You couldn't control someone else's feelings no more than you could control the sea or the tide. It was a wild and dangerous thing that worked differently for other people. However, Jean was stubborn as a horse and never seemed to notice when something was right in front of him.

He doubted he would even notice his _own_ admirer if they punched him in the face. He was that dense sometimes it was laughable; once he got something else in his head he payed little attention to much else.

"Um….excuse me" a quiet voice said from behind them. She had seen them from across the room and tried to approach. However it seemed they were in the middle of something which she felt bad about.

Marco looked behind him and smiled "Hey Madoka; sorry I never heard you coming" he apologized. He wondered how long she had been stood behind them waiting to be noticed.

Madoka Aoyama was a fellow trainee and one of the only students next to Mikasa; to be of Asian descent. She was not as skilled as Mikasa; but she was at the same level as Eren. She was a year older than most of them at age 16; leaving her 2 or 3 years younger than Reiner or Bertolt. That made her the 3rd youngest in the class next to them; which was rare in this case.

She had stunning black hair due to her Asian roots only hers was longer than Mikasa's. It reached below her shoulder and unlike Mikasa her eyes were violet instead of black. She had decided to keep hers long but tied it back so it wouldn't get in her way during training for fighting the titans.

Her hair was straight and very well cared for; but unlike Mikasa's widows peak she had M shaped bangs that framed around her face. It cupped around her face like a heart making her look very cute. In height, she was about 5'2 making her shorter than Jean and around the same height as Connie. But in his opinion her being short was cute; and Connie had someone who didn't tower over him.

Madoka blushed shyly gripping her tray "Would you mind…. it's just…. everywhere else is full" she explained quietly. She couldn't bring herself to sit with trainee's she didn't know; the idea was way too scary.

Eren was a bit too overwhelming for her to approach; but he seemed like an ok kind of guy. His friends seemed ok; but she wasn't sure she would fit in with them. She worried she might say the wrong thing and piss one of them off.

Sasha and Connie were a bit too loud for her; they were overly excitable and noisy. She liked talking to them but they did scare her a little. However she did enjoy the small moments she had when she briefly spoke to them. However, she enjoyed being around Marco; he was down to earth, understanding and easy going. He was one of the only friends she had here and someone she didn't feel nervous around.

She stared at Jean quietly a small blush forming on her cheeks. He was even more handsome when he was thinking; those cheekbones of his were amazing. In her eyes he was the most handsome boy she had ever seen; plus he was french so...bonus.

However, he was too busy checking out Mikasa to even notice she was there. She wondered if she was as confident as her that Jean would notice her too. But she doubted that would happen at all.

Marco smiled warmly "Sure thing; we got plenty of room here. Guess we're too weird for people to want to speak to us" he joked. The real reason people avoided them was because most people saw Jean as an asshole. Quietly she sat down opposite Marco her head bowed quietly. She was just happy to have someone to talk to; even if it was just one person. For the most part she spent her time staring at Jean dreamily.

Marco smiled "You look pretty today; the new hairstyle really works" he complimented kindly. He guessed Christa must have helped her out; she was good with things like that. No wonder she was so popular in the female dorms.

Madoka blushed shyly and fingered her bangs "R…Really? I don't look too plain?" she asked curiously. She had borrowed a hair clip from Christa which she used to tie her hair back. A few people told her it looked nice but most of them had been girls.

Marco frowned "You?! Plain?! Madoka I doubt that's even possible" Marco stated firmly. She really needed to take more pride in herself; she was a really pretty girl. He had never seen anyone with such colourful eyes.

Madoka had always been a bit of a wallflower since she showed up as a trainee. But she had a good heart and worked hard with her training. She was soft spoken and shy but had an optimistic nature not too different from Marco. However, she was often compared to sunshine by some of her bunk mates because she always saw a silver lining.

She wore a plain white blouse with short sleeves; the corners of the sleeves had small V cuts in them. She kept one button undone on it allowing her to breath but showed off her creamy neck. On her lower half, she wore a red upper calf length skirt with a white underskirt. It suited her well and brought out her skin tone nicely. Her outfit was plain and mature but it really did make her look cute.

On her feet were a pair of simple brown ankle boots with slight heels. They were laced tied but sturdy; allowing her to not worry about falling over. The other girls in her dorm wore plain colours; brown, beige etc. She was one of the few to wear bright colours; which some were jealous of.

However, one of the things that seemed to make her sad was her appearance. It didn't happen a lot; but a few times people mistook her for Mikasa. Marco was one of the few who didn't do such a thing. Apart from her hair from the back; she looked nothing like Mikasa. She was much shorter than her and her eyes weren't the same colour. Sometimes she suspected such a thing happened only because they were both Asian.

Madoka smiled gently; Marco always knew what to say to cheer her up. He really was too nice to be in the survey core; his heart was too pure. She was really glad to have made a friend out of him. "Marco…." She trailed off quietly. She had been meaning to ask him about something lately. She probably sounded like an idiot and like she was joking; but in truth she was serious about her intentions.

"Hmm?" He asked curiously. He could see she was hesitating but he was patient; she didn't have to rush. He would patiently wait for her to find her words until she was confident to speak her mind.

Madoka gripped her spoon tightly "Do…do you think you could help me with training?" she asked hopefully. She was on the same level as Eren as far as 3D gear use; but her combat skills were poor. She had picked up a few bruises and cuts because she was never able to beat her opponent.

However, she kept trying and pushing herself eager to get stronger. She didn't want to give up because, someone gave her hope (even if he wasn't aware if it himself). He gave her the strength to keep trying and become a good soldier.

Marco smiled "Sure! I'm sure Jean would love to help out!" he said proudly slapping his best friend on the shoulder. He couldn't believe for the entirety of Madoka being here he had ignored her. He really had a one-track mind but surely he had noticed out of the corner of his mind, right?

Jean was snapped out of his daydream and his staring at Mikasa. A sharp sting was felt where Marco had attacked him. Why was he being so rough all of a sudden it really wasn't like him at all. He turned to frown at Marco but his mood softened when he saw a pretty dark haired girl sat opposite him. Apart from Mikasa he hadn't seen anyone else who had such pretty black hair.

He sat there staring for a while feeling awkward; he had no idea of what the conversation topic was or who this girl was. But what he could admit to himself was that she had the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen.

Marco smiled hiding his annoyance "I was just saying to Madoka that he would help her with 3D gear training" he said sharply his tone annoyed. It wasn't exactly easy being a babysitter to Jean most days.

Jean blinked then clicked as to what was going on; this girl was asking for help from other peers. Way to make a good first impression "Sorry, yeah I'll do whatever I can to help" Jean apologized awkwardly rubbing his undercut. He felt like a bit of a dick blanking her like that.

Madoka smiled at him gratefully "I'm glad; you two really do seem to have the hang of it in training" she admitted. She had never seen him look so flustered before it was kind of cute.

Jean and Marco had ranked 6th and 7th in class; she had been 5th next to Eren but was still a little wobbly. However, she hoped these two would be able to help her. They definitely were underrated as far as skill and determination.

However, she felt her place would soon fall as her skills in combat needed polishing. So far she hadn't received any injury via 3D gear but she had been jump attacked by other trainees a few times. One time she almost got a serious injury when her cable snapped in mid-air; luckily Reiner had caught her but if not she could have broken something. The person in charge of 3D gear had been badly scolded that day.

During her first training years; she had been a klutz and neatly fallen over while log carrying in the woods multiple times. The whispers she had gotten from others hadn't really helped her confidence much.Her hand to hand combat skills weren't bad but she sometimes left openings. A few times she had been scratched in the face by the wooden sword or had her arm twisted behind her back.

Marco frowned a little "You shouldn't put yourself down Madoka; you've come a long way since you first started" he said firmly. Yes she had been through a few bumps when they first started; but she had done well since then.

Madoka was a bit of a klutz but her skills were improving; her body was now much stronger and her intuitive skills were the best in her class. She was much faster than Eren and had left a deeper cut that him when attacking fake titans. She had so much potential; she just needed to work on it.

Jean became thoughtful "Madoka Aoyama yeah?" he questioned. As far as he knew that name was 5th next to Eren fucking Yeager. She deserved a lot more praise compared to that green eyed bastard.

Madoka perked up her cheeks flushed a little "YES!" she said quickly trying not to shout. She couldn't believe he knew her name. She felt embarrassed when a few other students stared at her outburst.

Jean rubbed his chin contemplatively; she was a skilled trainee but she had a few glitches that held her back. I mean he wasn't perfect but he would do what he could for her with his confidence. He smiled warmly at her; at least she was more bearable than Eren. She had _way_ better manners than him; and from what he could tell was modest as hell. Plus it would be nice to have a cute girl to hang out with.

"I look forward to working with you from now on" he said proudly. He didn't have many friends in the core; most of them tended to avoid him or just had other friends they would rather hang out with.

Marco was his best friend since childhood and he recently started talking to Connie Springer. Apart from that he didn't really have that many acquaintances; guess his luck was changing. Now he had this rather pretty girl who was asking _him_ for help. A girl who was higher than him in the ranks; god this was his lucky day. He really hoped that he wouldn't screw up somewhere along the way.

Madoka took his hand across the table smiling; he felt himself blush internally at that. He had never been touched by any female but his mum. "Thanks so much" she said gratefully her violet eyes shining. She would look forward to growing stronger beside them.


	2. Chapter 2

Madoka sat quietly at the medical bay; she had been training in hand to hand combat today and had been improving quite well. However, when she had been against her opponent; he had broken her grip and cut her face. At the time she had been quite scared only because the accident came out of nowhere.

He had been stronger than she predicted and when she tried to knock him over he had struggled. The wooden sword had scratched her face when he thrust his arm up. Usually this would be down to lack of concentration; instead it was because of misinterpretation of her opponent which was just as bad.

She had a nasty scrape up her cheek which reached her eye; while the cut wasn't deep they were amazed her eye hadn't been poked out. The opponent she had been against got thoroughly chewed out by the girls. He was yet to apologize for it but she felt it wouldn't take him long; considering most of the female trainee's would kick his ass if he didn't.

After a few minutes the nurse stopped cleaning her face with anti-bacterial swaps. She then assured her the cut would heal in a few days but should keep it clean just in case. She had told her to clean her eye a little as there was probably dirt on her eyelashes from the sword which would irritate her eye.

Madoka had thanked her and was only grateful her bangs would semi cover it. Not that anyone would care much; she was barely noticed as it was. There were very few people that even knew she existed. She was just another pretty face with promise; not anything special and easily forgotten.

She exited the medical bay quietly her head bowed. If she kept having accidents she would never pass and become a soldier; she needed to get stronger so she could fight alongside Jean. If she had any hope of being close to him; she needed to concentrate on her training and not get into accidents anymore.

"Hey Madoka!" a familiar voice called. She looked up quietly to see Marco, Jean and a few others rush up to her. Were they all so worried about her? She had no idea they cared so much; it was kind of touching.

"Nasty cut you got there" Connie said worriedly. Surely that guy could have gone a little easier; I mean learning to protect yourself was normal but he had been a bit enthusiastic. But at least she had put up a fight; her grip on that guy's arm had almost been vice like. But she had lost her footing a little giving him the upper hand and ability to attack.

"Does it hurt?" Krista asked worriedly. Her cheek was still pretty red but that was normal given how it was caused by a wooden sword and all. Even Ymir and Sasha had been worried she would lose an eye. While Ymir tended to hit on her more often; she was aware that Ymir did also tease Madoka from time to time.

Madoka blushed a little touched by their concern; she bowed her head shyly "I…I'm fine really. It just stings a little" she explained quietly. Injuries were to be expected in the line of battle after all. She was sure once training was complete she would suffer a lot worse casualties than just a scratched face.

"It's good to know that's all it was; when you gripped your face like that we all thought it was a lot worse" Marco said with relief. Even he had flinched when he saw the blood on the sword. He had really thought that her eye may have been damaged which would have ended her dreams of joining the core completely.

Looking back, she had probably done so in order to protect her eye from being hurt. But in the moment, they had read it as something else entirely. Even Jean who was usually a lot more reserved had been worried; after all the worst injury you got here was bruises or twisted joints.

Jean frowned a little "She'll be ok; she's fifth in the class. She's a lot tougher than she looks" he said bluntly. While it sounded like he was being mean he wasn't; he could see she was a tough cookie. She could handle a little bit of rough handling; she was just a little surprised by the sudden attack.

A few of the other trainee's frowned and scolded him for being insensitive. However, Madoka was touched by this; he knew she was trying and wasn't fazed by it. He knew that she could handle herself and was trying to give her credit.

She gripped her hand tightly swallowing courage "I…I want to try again" she said shyly. However, this time she would prefer someone who wasn't as rough and didn't attack her face. It was a situation she would rather avoid happening again as she didn't want to risk losing an eye.

I mean Jean had subtly made an offer here; so, it wasn't like she had offered out of the blue. She did recall how he had said she would help her with 3D gear and such the previous evening. If it meant she could be close to him she wasn't going to turn down such a chance.

The other recruits looked shocked; she had just had someone attack her face and already she was jumping into the battlefield? She was cocky. They wondered what she would be like when they graduated their training and became official soldiers.

She then approached Jean a little "You said you'd show me, right?" she said firmly. They had offered to show each other skills to improve on their abilities. She might as well see what she was up against here and what she could gain from it.

The other recruits whispered and chuckled a little on the situation. Marco just hushed them and Jean blushed a little. He didn't like getting shown up in front of others. While you wouldn't have guessed it the guy could be shy sometimes.

Jean raised an eyebrow "You think you can go against me?" he teased cheekily. He had no doubt in his mind she could; he was just making sure she was back to normal. The fact she recovered fast and showed resilience meant she would do well in the field after all this was over.

Madoka gripped her fists tightly and looked at him adamantly "Yes" she said bravely. If she was capable of being higher up than him; she certainly knew she could beat him. She would show him just how capable she was; then maybe he would see her in a different light.

Jean smirked and led her away; he wanted to see if she really lived up to her rank next to Yeager. He had seen her skill with the 3D gear but what about hand to hand combat? Just what was her skill in that area?

_**In training groups** _

Jean stood in fighting stance facing Madoka quietly. He was more than prepared to expect she was going to kick his ass; but he had a good chance of beating her. I mean he was taller than her and a lot more toned in muscle.

Madoka stood facing him hesitantly; she didn't want to hurt Jean but at the same time knew it was for training. As long as he didn't hate her afterward she was ok with whatever she did. The idea of hurting him and the result being him avoiding her would be the worst; after finally managing to talk to him.

"Ok; give me all you got" Jean said proudly. He was willing to learn whatever techniques she had; as well as teach her some of his own. Then they could grow in the ranks together and knock Eren of of his high horse.

Madoka hesitated gripping the wooden blade in her hand. She didn't want to attack Jean; but she knew it was only for training. However, she still didn't like the idea too much. The only time she ever used violence was if she felt threatened and he had never done anything to make her feel that way.

Jean sighed heavily, she was hesitating. He had to pump her up; give her a reason to fight. Maybe make her see something she hated more than anything; perhaps that would do it. Taking your negative emotions and using them to fight your enemies always worked; because you became stronger and had more power to vent.

"Ok; imagine me as someone you hate. Someone who really gets under your skin and really pisses you off" Jean explained. Imagining your opponent as someone you hated was always effective. When he got mad he generally thought of Eren and that was enough to keep him going for days. If Madoka used the same trick it should work the same for her too.

Madoka stiffened and memories filled her mind. Of the titan that devoured her father, never being as good as Mikasa, being mistaken for her and being ignored. All the hatred and negativity she kept locked away. The things that hurt or or she kept to herself; that had accumulated over the 3 years of her training here.

She gripped the sword tightly her head bowed; she would show them. She would prove she wasn't just a lookalike to Mikasa and capable of being strong. She wasn't just some quiet, shy nobody! She was worth just as much as Eren and was her own person!

With that she lunged at Jean angrily all her rage flowing through her. Her violet eyes filled with anger and frustration. She would show them she wasn't just a pretty face and a lookalike to the top student. She was Madoka fucking Aoyama; a strong, kind and capable human being and by no means a pushover.

Jean got into fighting stance quickly ready to block her. She was very fast, no wonder she was on the same level as Eren. Hell compared to his speed she was like a bullet; fast and unpredictable. How was she ignored compared to that reckless shit?

She lunged her blade at his side angrily to which he grabbed her arm. She needed to work on her aim but apart from that she was doing very well. Hell he couldn't imagine Eren being that quick; I mean the guy was fast but tended to drag his feet a little.

Madoka looked up at him still in a rage trance. She then punched his face knocking him back causing him to cry out in pain. His nose wasn't broken but he as bleeding and his jaw hurt now too. Guess they were both going to have to visit the nurses office today.

Suddenly Madoka snapped out of her rage; she knew that voice and she could guess what she had done. Looking up she saw Jean clutching his face in pain. "I'm sorry!" she cried out anxiously moving away from him. Why had he asked her to do that? Why had he asked her to focus her rage? Now she had hurt him!

Jean smirked gripping his sore nose; nothing was broken but he was very sore. He would have a swollen nose and jaw for a few days with that strength. "Don't sweat; at least now I know how capable you are" he teased painfully.

He could now see why she was the same level as Eren; but why she didn't get more praise was a mystery. Hell she was way more intuitive than he was and her blade use was far more efficient; he never would have been able to surprise attack like that while trapped.

Madoka stiffened but then moved away; she hadn't expected to have that much strength in her. But if she somehow focused that more into her fighting; she could grow stronger. She never would have thought of such a thing if not for him; he was a lot smarter than he looked.

"I…. that is…. thanks" she said awkwardly. Thanks to his advice she had learned a new technique she could use on the battlefield. However, she hoped his face would be ok. She didn't want him to be made fun of because she got on a rage high; she knew how sensitive and self conscious he was.

Jean smiled cheekily "Guess I should watch my back around you" he joked in amusement. For someone so short and meek; she certainly packed a punch. What other things was she capable of that her classmates didn't know of?

Madoka blushed but smiled; in an odd way, he had praised her. To be praised by the person she liked; nothing was more amazing. She hoped that during their time together; she would hear even sweeter things from him.


	3. Jealous Eren?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madoka feels bad for her actions and Eren teases Jean for getting embarrassed
> 
> Fluff and Humor

Eren was gripping the sides of his stomach rolling around on his bed as he laughed. How could he not? Knowing Jean had almost got his ass kicked by a girl! Sure, he was no sexist but Jean was supposed to be only a rank under him; how the hell had he gotten his ass beaten by someone who was supposedly weaker than him?

"It's not that funny Eren" Armin scolded firmly. He knew Jean often said things without thinking so it was bound to happen sometime; however, it must have really hurt. Given the impact and closeness of her punch of course such a thing would hurt; I mean the size of the swelling only made it obvious.

"Are you _kidding_ me? Its fucking hilarious! Horse face finally got some sense knocked into him!" Eren laughed mockingly. He had wanted to for so long but held back as to not get into trouble. Instead his co-ranking student had done it for him; this was the best day of his entire life.

Marco hesitated then spoke up cautiously "Actually Jean _asked_ her to hit him. She was completely unprovoked" he explained defensively. While he knew, Jean had been curious about Madoka's capabilities for a while; Marco never thought he would think of such a reckless method to learn about them.

Eren stopped laughing and went quiet shock filling him; Armin was equally as shocked as was Connie. Jean hated violence but loved showing off; he would only fight for the sake of self-defense. The fact that he had allowed another person to openly hit him; let alone a girl was beyond their understanding.

"But why would you ask her to punch you so hard your lip cracked and you got a swollen cheek?" Armin asked worriedly. Even for Jean that was unusual; the guy would seemingly start a fight with anyone who even started on him.

"Yeah; even with your cocky attitude you've always been self aware" Connie agreed suspiciously. Jean knew his limits when he had his head on right; when enough was enough and when to back off. He wasn't the type to play with fire unless it was Eren; then things juts got heated.

"Cos Aoyama's a shy girl; even if someone said something awful to her she would never say anything. She's the kind you want to protect" Eren explained bluntly. She would never say boo to a goose; even if someone like Ymir sneaked up behind her and gave her a heart attack she would still brush it off.

He had seen from training that Madoka was a capable fighter; but she only focused her energy on growing stronger. To let her abilities out on someone else was something she seemingly wouldn't do. It seemed impossible that she was capable of hurting someone without reason; it just wasn't within her personality.

"Wow…sexist much Eren?" Jean retorted bluntly. Madoka was shy and seemingly quiet natured; but she was anything but weak. She had a strong will and always remained optimistic. The fact that she was on the same rank as him only proved that point; but Eren as usual was being a dick and undermining any of her skills.

Hell, the way she had attacked him earlier and put up that fight against the trainee who hurt her; she was anything but weak. She wasn't fully focused or putting her whole strength in but she certainly wasn't weak.

"Say what horse face?!" Eren snapped crossly. He wasn't very well associated with Madoka; but she was always bowing her head low and avoiding others unless it was Marco. So how the hell was she would only cry about it if she ever hurt anyone; there was no way she hadn't hit Jean without being antagonized.

Jean folded his arms crossly and frowned brushing off Eren's insult "When I was up against Madoka I told her to focus her rage. I told her to focus all her strength into one before she attacked me. When she did I was just about knocked off my feet; hell, I'd say she fights better than you Shit-stain" he retorted bluntly.

Her usually beautiful and gentle eyes had become rage filled and wild; filled with the desire to fight and survive. Her speed had enhanced 10-fold and her intuitiveness had been on red alert. She fought like a natural; as if water had been flowing through her and feeding her skills and senses allowing her to beat him like that.

If Madoka fought more seriously during training she could advance higher in the ranks and get more praise for her skills. However due to her shyness she was holding herself back from such a thing. However her shyness was also acting as her Achilles heel; holding her back from reaching her full potential.

Before Eren could cut in Marco intervened "Jean has a point; I was watching them spar after her accident and she could have easily beaten Jean into the dirt. If she hadn't snapped out of it she would have done worse harm" he revealed.

Madoka had some strong potential and Jean had helped unlock it; however now they just had to connect it to her usual personality. So, she could use it whenever she wanted just learn how to wield it when fighting.

Eren became thoughtful "So…. what are you gonna do about it?" he asked thoughtfully. He had only seen Madoka around a few times and rarely sparred with her; but even he could admit she had skill. However due to hesitation she often ended up getting hurt because she let her guard down holding her back.

Jean smirked "I'm gonna train her; help her gain confidence and start to embrace that side of herself so she can work it into her technique" he stated proudly. If Madoka was able to gain more confidence in her potential and able to act more forward about her emotions; she would excel in no time. What was holding her back was the fact she felt inferior to others.

Eren blinked then smirked "So…. you moved on from Mikasa already huh? Some pretty girl bats her eyelashes and you fall for them?" he teased coldly. He knew Jean always acted sour because of his relationship to Mikasa. The guy was barely popular as it was; so, if one girl liked him his ego inflated tenfold.

Jean glared at Eren; of course, he still liked Mikasa what with her flawless skill and silky black hair. However, that didn't mean he couldn't help another student feel good about herself because she felt inferior to someone else.

Madoka was a truly skilled trainee and many students could take that into acclaim. But her efforts were often overshadowed by the suicidal bastard himself; because he couldn't ever not show off. If Madoka made so much as any improvement or felt good about himself; it was quickly forgotten because Eren did something better.

" _How_ is it a mouthy shit like you who seems to make more mistakes than anyone; is more popular than someone as quiet as Madoka whose skills far surpass your own?" Jean retorted coldly.

Madoka was a deadly storm; seemingly quiet and sweet lacking in self-confidence but holding a storm of power within her small form. The power inside her was dormant and waiting to be set free.

Eren was a hot headed; irrational bad mouthed jerk who was either someone's enemy or best friend (or both). He made a shit tonne of mistakes and often relied on his anger to get things done leaving him wide open and blind.

Madoka had made a few mistakes either because of poor equipment checking or underestimation of her opponent. However; she was popular with a few of her classmates but relied on her intuition and natural skill to fight.

How Madoka's skill was overshadowed by someone like Eren; Jean would never understand. In his eyes she deserved way more claim and praise than this green eyed shit stain with a grade A attitude problem.

Eren's gaze became intense and angry "You seriously trying to get hit again?" he hissed angrily. He would show Jean just how strong he was and knock him off his damn high horse.

Jean clicked his teeth "Go ahead it'll just prove me right! You rely solely on anger to get everything done unlike your co-student who is on the same fucking rank as you! At least she has skill compared to your sad ass!" he snapped fiercely.

Eren may have been able to hold his own against Reiner slightly or someone around his own level. But Madoka had been able to take on the likes of Annie; Reiner and Mikasa; and still only receive semi injuries instead of getting her ass whooped unlike Eren.

Eren got up to punch Jean when there was a knock at the door. The rest of the group panicked believing it to be Shadis; however, he wouldn't knock simply sneak a peek through the door menacingly.

The group of boys looked at each other quietly wondering who should answer the door. I mean it would be rude not to considering it could be someone like Christa or Sasha at the door for something important.

Eventually Marco sighed heavily and went to answer it; Armin was too shy and cautious, Eren would just grumble and be rude and Jean might end up saying the wrong thing by accident.

He climbed down the stairs from his bunk and went to answer the door. Part of him wondered just who might have come here at this time of night and for what purpose. He answered the door quietly the cool night hair hitting his warm face quietly. When he saw who was at the door he couldn't help but mentally smirk at the irony.

"Hey Madoka" he said loudly so the others could hear him. He could already tell Jean would be blushing and the others would either be embarrassed or feel like shit for speaking about her badly.

Madoka was wearing a grey shawl blanket over her shoulders but the same outfit as before. It was a little cooler at night now so going out without one would mean getting a chill. She hesitated shyly trying to find her words. She had felt really bad about punching Jean earlier despite him being ok about it; the last thing she had ever wanted was to hurt him.

"H…Hey Marco…." Madoka trailed off shyly. Her heart was racing like a jackhammer and her nerves were alive. But she needed to know Jean was ok and he wasn't mad at her at all; given his pride.

Marco saw her worried expression and became worried; had something happened? Maybe she was feeling bad about causing Jean that injury upon fighting him earlier. "Is everything ok? You look anxious about something" Marco asked curiously. While Madoka was a naturally shy girl; she was also prone to stressing and anxiety.

Madoka flinched ad bowed her head; eventually a dusted pink blush began to head across her cheeks. "Is…Is Jean ok?" she asked quietly. If she just knew that; she would be able to relax easily and not have to worry so much about it anymore; she could let it go freely like leaves in the wind.

She had no idea she had that much strength or rage dwelling inside her; it had come out of nowhere but worst of all she had used it against Jean. Sure, he could tend to boast a bit but he didn't deserve to be hit that hard.

Marco smirked and he heard Eren snigger from his bunk. Yes, a few people had caught on that Madoka was sweet on Jean thanks to her coming over; he only hoped nobody would tease him for it.

However, Marco thought it was cute; Madoka not only liked Jean but she looked up to him. He gave her strength and pushed her to be more prideful about her natural skills which Marco found sweet.

"Apart from a sore face he's fine. But Jean's thick skinned so he can handle just about anything" he reassured her kindly. Yet again Eren laughed at Marco subtly insulting his best friend. The latter just couldn't ever keep his mouth shut when it came to insulting others.

Madoka looked up her face filled with relief but still blushing. The fact that Jean had only suffered minor injuries and wasn't upset with her was good to know. She would never forgive herself if she had broken his nose or teeth with that punch.

"I see…I'm glad to hear it. I was really scared that he might hate me for it" she explained shyly. She knew that guys had a certain sense of pride when it came to girls in that field of expertise.

Jean from on his bunk was pretty surprised about this. He hadn't ever had any girl worry about him other than his own mother; it was kind of touching really. They had only known each other a few days and here she was worrying about his well being.

"Well…. that was all I came for. Goodnight Marco" Madoka said politely before hurrying away. She would only blush harder and talk nonsense should Jean show himself. But as she turned away she couldn't help but smile to herself; Jean wasn't mad at her.

Marco laughed to himself then closed the door. He then made his way back up to his bunk quietly and eventually climbed the stairs to find his friends again. Jean was sat on his bed a look of shock and a gentle blush warming his cheeks. It was so obvious he liked her; but he was too dense and stubborn to admit it to himself.

"Jean's got a girlfriend…" Eren chanted playfully his tone mocking. He was slightly jealous but at the same time found it highly amusing that any girl would so much as look at Jean.

He acted like such an ass half the time you'd think girls would be repelled by him. Yet here was a pretty dark haired girl confessing that she liked him despite his attitude. Guess some girls liked boys with attitude; but then again you found out something new every day during training.

Jean shot him an embarrassed glare "Shut up Yeager; since when were you pulling chicks?" she snapped coldly. The only girl who seemed to show him any interest was his own adopted sister.

Eren growled but Armin held him back; it was blatantly obvious that Eren was semi jealous of the attention Madoka was giving him. He himself wasn't popular with many females so of course he was jealous.

Marco sighed heavily; how had a kind gesture from Madoka turned into a pissing contest? He seriously wondered how his friends could be so immature over something so small.


	4. Becoming a woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madoka starts her period and Jean becomes worried about her upon hearing she is unwell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place a few days after Madoka visits Jean; not on the same night just in case you get confused

Madoka sat quietly on her bed her cheeks flushed and a feeling of nausea overwhelming her. Her stomach hurt badly and she couldn't move; she felt like she was being stabbed in the gut with a knife. She had often heard about this sort of thing from older girls when she was younger. However, to actually experience it was something else entirely. Why would the body do this because you didn't have babies?!

Some of the other girls had actually started already but some hadn't started yet. She was jealous of them right now and hoped they didn't start for a while. Then they wouldn't have to feel this pain.

" _It hurts…. its hurt so much"_ she sobbed mentally biting her lip. She just wanted it to stop; she wanted it to stop hurting. She would rather feel anything than what she was feeling right now. Her skirt was undoubtedly going to be covered in blood as would her underwear. But right now, she didn't really care; all she could think about was how bad she felt.

She leaned forward her bangs covering her face creating a waterfall effect. It hid the tears that threatened to fall down her face due to the pain she was feeling. If she made it known she was crying people would ask questions.

"Madoka? Are you feeling ok?" Krista asked curiously her tone filled with worry. She looked like she was about to cry and appeared to be in a lot of pain. However, she had seemed fine earlier which caused her concern.

Madoka swallowed biting her lip harder; she wanted to throw up it hurt so much. She didn't understand what was wrong with her; why was she bleeding? She hadn't experienced this before so why now? "Hurts…it hurts…." She sobbed quietly. She had experienced a lot of pain while being a trainee; but this was by far the worst she had ever felt. She hadn't felt anything like this before in her life.

Krista sat beside her gently and started rubbing her back in a comforting manner. She didn't look good at all; like she was going to puke. She couldn't fathom what could possibly be causing her so much pain.

Ymir approached the two girls, a sour expression plastered on her face as per usual "Didn't know we were having a slumber party" she retorted grumpily. It seemed that something was always going on around here; and Christa was always at the centre of it.

"Madoka isn't feeling well; she's really pale and in a lot of pain" Krista explained anxiously. She was white as a ghost and looked really unwell; she feared she may be seriously ill.

Ymir looked at the Asian girl quietly; usually Madoka never complained about anything and was a reasonable and resilient girl; but even she could admit she looked like shit. Her expression softened and she knelt towards the younger girl "Where does it hurt?" she asked curiously. She had a suspicion that she knew what was causing her pain.

"My…. My stomach" Madoka whimpered quietly a tear spilling over. She felt like it was being squeezed or she was being stabbed with knives. Her abdomen felt very sore and she just wanted to lie down until it stopped. Was this the experience her mother had told her about when she was younger?

"Describe it" Ymir asked cautiously. Her suspicions were seemingly more and more likely; she had started her period. God that was going to suck; to feel this much pain for a week every month.

"It…. It feels like it's being squeezed. With knives….in my abdomen…. hurts….so bad…." Madoka sniffed tearfully the sickening feeling spreading. She felt something dripping out from between her legs as she sat. It was warm and it was sticking between her legs but she didn't know what it was; she didn't need to pee.

Ymir hummed in content; yep her suspicions were right. Madoka had started her period; I mean she was around that age after all. However, it meant for a week every month she would feel shitty as her womanhood made itself known.

She knelt down beside the younger cadet her face solemn and emotionless "Listen Aoyama you're going to be fine" Ymir stated in a slightly gentle manner. The first time was always the heaviest; but depending on the person it could either be light or heavy as it developed a pattern.

Madoka looked up her eyes still teary and biting her lip to tolerate her pain. However, she could see in Ymir's eyes that she wasn't lying to her. Though she didn't speak much to the freckled girl she was willing to trust her.

"Your experiencing what is called _menstruation_ or _a period_ " she explained bluntly. For someone who was completely new to this it was going to be hell. God she was going to have to explain this to Sasha and Christa too one day wasn't she?

"B…. But I…. isn't is supposed to start later?" Madoka said weakly sickness filling her. God, she wanted to throw up so bad from the pain inside her. She had hoped it would come when she was 17; but instead it was happening now during her training years.

Ymir smiled in amusement; at least this girl was aware of what was wrong with her "Everyone's different; some sooner than most" she joked in a kind manner. Some people started as early as 13 or 15; but that was far and few between.

She then turned to Krista "Take her to the medical bay; get her cleaned up and give her some stuff. There should be towels and stuff to clean her off; she's also gonna need a clean skirt" she retorted bluntly.

Krista nodded "Ok" she said quickly. She then got up and helped Madoka to her feet trying to be careful as to not cause her any more pain. Hopefully there wouldn't be any guys wondering about to make a scene.

Madoka got to her feet slowly her pain flowing over her body; every movement felt like she was being stabbed in her womb. How long was this going to last? She didn't want to move; but it seemed she was going to have to.

As they started to walk away Ymir stopped them; it seemed Madoka had stained her skirt even if it wasn't very noticeable since her skirt was red. The last thing she would want in this state is to be embarrassed. "On second thought, we'll do it here; you've stained your skirt and the guys may ask questions. You get some hot towels and I'll look for clean clothes" Ymir stated firmly.

Guys at this age were alien to periods; they would have little to no understanding of what periods actually were or how they worked. Instead of the poor girl being harassed she should just be able to relax after this.

Krista nodded and got to her feet; before leaving she squeezed Madoka's hand kindly "I'll be right back ok?" she said kindly. She hated to leave Madoka when she was sore and confused like this; but she was going to have to in order to help her.

_**After** _

Madoka sat in a curled ball beside the window; her skirt was drying after being washed of blood with soap and salt. It would be good as new in the morning and nobody would be any the wiser. She was currently wearing a white bed dress with long sleeves and a slight V in the neck. She was still wrapped in her shawl and still looked a little flushed. However she felt better than she had a little while earlier.

Ymir had given her some clean underwear and a towel to wear in her underwear to soak up the blood. For a few days, she wouldn't be able to train due to the pain in her body. However, to help with the pain she had given her some medicine to stop the pain. It would at least make it more bearable and less severe for her.

"T…. Thank you" Madoka said shyly. Her eyes were still red from crying and her lip was slit a little from biting it so hard. To anyone else it would look like someone had made her very upset.

Ymir shrugged "No big deal; but you will owe me for this" she said cheekily a small smirk appearing on her face. With her eyes all puffy like that she looked even more cute than she usually did. I mean she was a reasonable woman; she saw something beautiful and she went after it.

She didn't have to help them; but she couldn't ignore Krista as she would lecture her about it. At the same time, she knew how inconvenient it would be for Shadis to draw attention or for any of the guys to find out.

So, she had opted to help as not to attract unwanted attention and so Madoka could have clean clothes. However, because she tended to prefer to keep to herself this was a hassle for her. However she had decided to be kind and help the poor girl out since she had looked like complete shit.

Next to Krista; she had Madoka in her sights too. She had for a long time been interested in the dark haired Asian girl. Compared to Mikasa's stoic nature this girl was fucking adorable; angelic even. She was shy, resilient, modest, had the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen, and easy going. She never complained about anything no matter how serious the matter and was just down right stunning.

Compared to Krista's more angelic nature; Madoka was more alluring and mysterious. Not in the same sense as Mikasa who was more radiant and mature; Madoka was a wallflower and didn't stand out.

Madoka shifted awkwardly; she knew Ymir was a lesbian but as far as she knew only wanted Krista. However, it seemed she also had her eyes on her; it seemed the freckled girl had a thing for angelic girls.

"I…I can give you my bread at dinner; for a week" she offered nervously. She knew that Ymir was into the fairer sex; but she didn't bat that way. She was attracted to guys; most notably Jean and she had no intention of betraying him in any shape or form.

Ymir moved closer leaning over the violet eyed girl "Not really what I had in mind" she teased playfully. Seeing her cheeks all red really was adorable; how easily she got flustered.

"I…. I'll take your turn for cleaning the stables; for a week!" she offered quickly not missing a beat. She would get filthy and smell bad; but she was more than willing to do it to pay back Ymir for helping her out.

"Would be a shame to have you smelling like horse crap for week" Ymir said casually. She would rather see someone like Jean or Eren doing such a thing; would help put them in their place.

Madoka stiffened; she couldn't really think of any more excuses to avoid the subject. "W…. Well I could…." she stammered shyly. She was running out of ideas on how to distract the older girl from making a move on her; but she was coming up short here.

Ymir smirked; she had heard from Annie and Connie about Madoka's infamous shy face. However, seeing it up close was even cuter than she expected. "You know; during your period your body is 10 times more sensitive than usual" she teased sweetly. She would love to see what kind of face she made while crying out.

Madoka's face went positively beetroot and her voice became a squeak "Y…. Ymir…. I…. I don't…." she stammered quietly. She felt her body growing hotter; she didn't know if this was from her period or the situation but she felt really uncomfortable.

"Aren't you curious? Once we become official soldiers we won't have time for this" Ymir coaxed seductively. Even if she wasn't into girls wasn't Madoka interested in experiencing it? To feel what it was like to be touched by a girl? To be held by another woman?

Madoka gripped her shawl tightly. While she had heard a rumour that Mikasa and Sasha practiced kissing but neither were into it; she wasn't that type of girl. But everyone had to experience it to understand themselves a little bit better.

She was quite confident in her heterosexuality and knew she would marry a man when she was older. However, she still supported people who were interested in their own gender.

"Ymir…. don't you…. What about Krista?" she asked defensively. Hadn't she been into the blonde for some time? She was always following her around, flirting with her and getting rather annoyed when Reiner or any other male so much as looked at her.

Ymir smiled "A kiss won't hurt, will it?" she asked mischievously. A taste of her lips would be enough; even if she could never have her. Then she would be able to cherish that memory after they graduated and become official soldiers.

Madoka swallowed; a kiss wouldn't hurt. She could just get it over and done with; then she would have repaid Ymir. Then she wouldn't have debts to pay and she could just forget about it; instead of drawing it out like this.

Ymir leaned towards her to kiss her; her dark eyes gentle and filled with mischief. A slight smirk spread across her own face. To see Madoka act so shy and awkward was so adorable; seeing her usually calm and distant face all stirred up.

Madoka sat where she was quietly gripping her shawl; her eyes were wide with shock and she was clenching her jaw. Her heart was racing a mile and minute and her shoulders hurt from her nails.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door breaking the two. Ymir clicked her teeth at the sudden interference and possibility of stealing a kiss. Why was it whenever something went her way; there was always some form of setback involved?

Sasha answered the door and there stood Shadis looking as stoic and scary as normal. However, he seemed to have a large package in his possession "Madoka Aoyama" He said sternly. While he was somewhat sympathetic to the young teen having to experience this; she was still a soldier in training.

"Y…yes sir!" Madoka said quickly her voice high pitched. She hadn't expected him to come here; Krista must have told him. However she hoped that none of the guys got nosy on the way here; or she would have a barrage of questions about a very awkward subject.

"I have spare clothes and towels here for you. Be sure to wash them properly when you're done" he said sternly. Now if her clothes got stained she would have new ones.

Madoka got up slowly her body still stinging with pain a little; she then walked over to Shadis taking the box quietly and thanking him. Though he was a very scary and stern man; secretly she suspected Shadis had a soft spot somewhere.

Shadis peered at her quietly; she looked rather flushed and peaky. She would do well to get rest; if she was not feeling good tomorrow he would put her on a different duty. "Get some sleep cadet; if you feel as bad in the morning I'll put you on kitchen or stable duty" he said sternly. However, despite his tone he was in fact saying this in the kindest way possible.

Madoka perked up a little and nodded "Yes sir; thank you sir" she replied gratefully. She would be able to handle that at least; giving her body was less sore. Shadis then nodded and left to which Madoka took her things to her bed. Inside she found a replacement red skirt, fresh towels and underwear plus painkiller.

"You think you'll manage dinner" Ymir asked curiously. Nobody would notice the blood now; unless she leaked. However she would have to change her clothes so nobody was any the wiser on what had happened to her.

Madoka irked and grumbled quietly; the thought of food right now made her stomach turn. She shook her head slowly. If she ate something now she would simply bring it back up again in her current state.

Ymir relented and walked off to go and find Krista. Madoka obviously wanted to be alone and she had heckled her enough. However she hoped that the other girl wouldn't be too upset about her teasing earlier.

**_Later at dinner_ **

Jean sat quietly at his table looking around the dinner hall. Madoka hadn't shown up tonight and she _never_ missed dinner. She was usually following Marco eagerly and chatting to him nonstop.

Marco saw his friend's expression and poked him curiously "Jean you ok? You seem kind of out of it" he asked curiously. He had been staring at the door and the girls tables all night with a disappointed face.

Jean blinked then relented and started eating again "Its Madoka; usually she hangs out with you, right?" he asked in an unsure manner. He didn't know anyone else she was friends with; Madoka usually kept to herself and only spoke to Marco because he was easy going.

Marco hummed in agreement "Yeah; but Ymir said she was missing out tonight. She wasn't feeling too good" he explained casually chewing on his bread. He had asked Krista when they were heading towards the huts; Ymir had retorted about Madoka before she could answer.

"She's sick?" Jean said with concern. Jeez; it seemed she was always getting hurt or was having trouble of some kind. However he hoped it was nothing too serious for her to skip dinner; she was the type to never complain even if it was serious.

Marco shook his head "No; she's just not well. Seems she has stomach pain of some kind. Shadis even gave permission for her to skip training; or do chores if she still feels bad" he explained.

Jean went quiet; he had no idea she had been feeling that shitty. Usually she took everything like champ and never complained once; he felt a little worried. For Shadis to even suggest she skip training it had to be serious. He continued poking his food but was distracted; when he knew, someone was hurt or sick he could never ignore it. He felt compelled to reassure himself that they were truly ok.

**_After_ **

Madoka lay quietly on her bed curled up alone. She wanted to sleep but her discomfort was making it a problem; she just couldn't settle. It was peaceful now that everyone was gone but she couldn't relax. Her body was still slightly tender and her body was very warm and needed to be cooled.

However she had just gotten comfy and she didn't know if she would be able to settle again if she got up. So she was just coping with it for the time being unless it became worse; I mean she was just a little warm after all.

Suddenly there was another knock at the door confusing her. Everyone was at dinner so who on earth could it be? "Who…. Who is it?" she asked hesitantly. It couldn't be Shadis as he was writing reports and such at his desk right now; but would later check up on the other cadets.

"I…It's me" Jean replied awkwardly. She was probably trying to sleep or relax; anyone would when they felt unwell after all. Knowing that he felt like an ass for disturbing her like this; but he was just worried.

Madoka's eyes widened; Jean had come here to see her when she was sick? Her cheeks heated with embarrassment while she was also filled with a little joy. "J…. just a minute" she said shyly. She slowly got to her feet her belly hurting a little. God this period thing was a pain in the ass.

She hobbled over to the door her stomach throbbing reminding her of her situation. God, she still had 4 days left of this shit too. How was it women went about their every day lives despite suffering pain like this? It was only day one yet she felt like complete shit.

She opened the door slowly and was met with the refreshing cool breeze of night air; he looked even more handsome than usual basked in the moonlight. It made her fall in love with him all over again; but she held back her desire to fan girl due to the fact it would cause her pain while making herself look like an idiot.

Jean was momentarily silent lost for words; While Madoka usually looked cute and tomboyish. Right now, she looked angelic; alluring even. Her nightgown gave her an aura of innocence and yet sensuality. It was tastefully made cupping her healthy C cup breasts and developing curves as she matured into a woman.

However, he could only imagine what she would look like in her later teens; god a shiver ran down his spine at the very idea of her as a mature woman. He coughed awkwardly at his lack of attention "Sorry…. its…. Marco said you weren't feeling good" he explained shyly.

She appeared to be fine but she did look rather flushed and tired; had she caught a stomach bug or something like that? However that seemed unlikely as they all ate the same food and everyone else was fine.

Madoka blushed; she didn't really think a period would come up in conversation around him but here they were. Hopefully he would be very understanding. "Y…yes…. Its…. it's just stomach pain" she explained apprehensively. God, she could feel the embarrassment beginning; she had hoped to avoid this.

Jean gave a look of relief "T…. That's good. I…I mean….it sucks being ill and all" he said quickly. God why was it he could never speak properly in front of a girl. Whenever he looked into the eyes of a cute girl all sense of rationality flew away.

Madoka smiled to herself; she wasn't ill per say but more her body was becoming a woman's. However as to not spoil the moment she would stay quiet. "Yeah…. I should be ok….in a couple of days that is" she explained quietly. However, she would prefer to avoid the subject of periods around him.

Jean perked up a little "That's good; I mean…. it's nice to have someone to talk to….apart from Marco" he admitted shyly. He knew what it was like to not exactly be Mr popular; I mean Marco was the only friend he had right now.

Before she could speak Madoka felt her stomach twinge in pain again. She would have to retire again before she felt even worse. "J…. Jean" she stammered quickly. She wanted to see him again; however, it may end up with him visiting her.

Jean looked up at her but didn't say anything. He felt like an idiot for acting like such a goofball in front of her; but she looked so pretty he couldn't help it. Her black hair shining in the moonlight and her violet eyes like jewels.

"If…. that is…. when your free…maybe you could…." Madoka stammered her face turning even redder than before. She didn't mind Krista but she tended to spend time by herself an awful lot or with Ymir. However, in the small moments she spoke to her it was pleasant.

Sasha tended to have a one-track mind when it came to food or potatoes. However, she tended to prefer goofing off with Connie most of the time. Because of that the time she spent with Sasha was often making sure she didn't choke on her food.

Marco was one of the only friend she had because he was patient and understanding but also a very warm natured person. He was approachable and down to earth; which she found comforting.

She looked away gripping the door tightly "…. You know…. keep me company" she said shyly. Even if he just sat by her side while she felt shit; she would be happy. Plus it was making progress in getting close to him other than training.

Jean felt his face turn beetroot and himself scream internally with joy. It wasn't exactly a date but he would be spending time with her…. alone. "S…Sure" he said shyly rubbing the back of his undercut. He was going to have this on his mind all evening; but the sight of her in that dress would be used for later.

Madoka smiled shyly and looked at him nervously "Well then…. goodnight" she said quietly. She would sleep well knowing her crush was worried about her. Plus it would be something to think about other than training.

Jean nodded before turning to leave "See you tomorrow…. I guess…" he said awkwardly. She watched him stumble away quietly as she closed the door.

_"So, cute!"_ they thought mentally in unison as they retreated into the night.


	5. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madoka clings to Jean for comfort and he relents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff ensues

Madoka laid in bed curled up quietly wrapped in her shawl. She was just close to nodding off but couldn't settle; she was too un-comfy and needed something to cuddle. In pain she realized just how fragile she was despite her optimistic and resilient she acted; funny how pain brought out your hidden colours.

She was in too much discomfort and she had been forced to take more medicine in order to cope with the pain. To stop leaking she was wearing a flannel in her underwear to soak up the blood. Because of this she didn't leak and could easily rinse the flannel and dry it before placing it back into her pants.

It was day two of this so-called menstruation cycle or _period_ as Ymir called it. Because she couldn't train with such pains she had instead cleaned the stables and work in the kitchen instead. Anything that pushed her body too much physically caused her too much pain; hell she had been forced to sit down a few times during chores.

Her black hair was sprawled over the pillow as she lay there. Her eyes staring at the candle nearby watching the flames dance in the darkness like magic. Somehow the colours and shadows were so hypnotizing; drawing her in as the minutes passed.

Ymir and the others were still at dinner or talking. I mean they weren't forced to come back for a while yet so she could enjoy the peace and quiet to herself. It gave her time to think; to relax and not be surprised or worn out by the other girls hyperactivity.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door surprising her. However, she knew who it would be after their conversation last night; knowing he was so worried about her made Madoka happy. Very few people noticed her or even so much as spent time with her; the fact that he helped her train and made her part of his friend group made her happy.

"Come in" she said quietly. She didn't have the energy to get up and just doing the simplest of chores like sweeping had hurt her abdomen. The door opened and Jean entered looking hesitant. His cheeks were red with embarrassment as he entered the girl's dorms to see Madoka curled up in bed.

Madoka smiled to herself; she could tell he had been worried about her but was hesitant about being here. I mean he wasn't really used to spending time with girls at all. As far as she knew he was raised an only child alongside his parents. His only friend was Marco and he wasn't used to talking or being around girls whatsoever.

He approached the bed quietly and pulled a stool next to her bed so he could sit beside her. She looked pale and in quite a lot of discomfort; was her stomach pain really that bad? God he felt so bad for her; being in so much pain she could barely move.

"Thanks for coming" Madoka said gratefully. She did get awfully lonely by herself in the dorms; having nobody to talk to while everyone else had fun. Just her own thoughts ticking over in her mind as she waited for her dorm mates to come back and end the silence.

"My mother would kill me if I treated a lady any less than she taught me" Jean said firmly. While she did annoy him sometimes he had learned many good things from her. While she knew arguing and fighting was normal between boys; his mother had always said to treat ladies with respect and look at them as your equals.

Madoka chuckled in amusement a cheeky smile on her face "Such a gentleman" she teased playfully; secretly she loved how concerned he was about her. It was rare you found a guy that was so sensitive and caring on the inside; even if she was awkward about showing it. It was cuter that way anyway; you could tease them a little.

Jean pouted but brushed it off; he placed a hand on her forehead quietly. Her face was flushed and she looked pretty uncomfortable; was she really feeling that bad? "Can't say I've ever heard of a stomach pain that makes you feel as bad as you do" he confessed.

Madoka shifted uncomfortably; Jean had no idea what a period was or how painful it would be. Suddenly she was a little jealous that he was a guy and he wasn't. She laughed nervously "Neither had I; until yesterday that is" she confessed quietly. She had 5 more days of this crap; god she wanted it over already.

"Do you know what caused it? I mean you eat the exact same stuff everyone else does" Jean asked curiously. However, little did he know he was digging too deep. I mean he had noticed her change in body language upon asking that question; he was just concerned is all.

Madoka blushed; as if she could tell him it was something all girls had to go through. That you had to bleed for 7 days because you hadn't gotten pregnant. "It's…. kind of complicated. It's not something you'll ever get" she explained hesitantly. Ymir had given her a talk about all this after she started her period.

Periods were caused due to the ovulation cycle that happened once every month. Because she wasn't carrying a baby her body rejected the egg and uterus lining in the form of a period. Knowing this would happen every once a month because she didn't carry a baby was not a fun thought. However, while it was painful; she would take it over being eaten by titans.

Jean shifted then pondered his memory; he couldn't recollect an illness only girls would get that guys couldn't. She was still human so there was no gender barrier when it came to illness. He had never heard of an ailment that only affected the female body before; which made this even more unusual.

He sat there quietly pondering his thoughts as he tried to think what it could be. He then remembered something his mother told him a long time ago before he joined the military.

_ **Flashback** _

" _Mama? Where do babies come from?" Jean asked curiously his brown eyes filled with curiosity. He had heard some of the kids next door talking about how they were going to get a baby sister._

 _Jean's mother shifted quietly and tucked a strand of her from behind her ear. Jean was 13 after all; he would learn about such things eventually._ " _Well Jean-boi; babies are made when a man and a woman express their love for each other" she explained hesitantly._

_Jean was too young to understand the adult scenario's that went on between a man and a woman just yet. However, she would tell him in a year; since he should start getting urges at that age._

_Jean blinked then smiled "Is that where I came from? You and papa's love?" he asked curiously. His father had died some time ago but his mother spoke of him fondly. But what he did know was that he helped make her._

_Mrs Kirstein smiled "Yes Jean-boi; but it's a special type of love that happens when two people express their love physically" she explained gently. It wasn't limited by gender by any means; maybe one day Jean might realize he liked boys too, I mean it was a possibility._

_Jean tilted his head to the side thoughtfully "But what if a girl doesn't have a baby! What happens then?" he asked curiously._ _He had seen girls around his age and some older that didn't have babies; some of them complained about having stomach pains and saying "It's better than being pregnant"._

_Mrs Kirstein gave a sympathetic look; periods were awful for all girls. To go through such pains because you were not bearing a child. But at least it meant you were healthy._

_Jean would never get one but that didn't mean he shouldn't know about them. What if he got a girlfriend one day and had to deal with what came with it? He might as well know what to expect and how to look after her._

_She knelt down to face her son "Periods Jean are what happens when a girl isn't pregnant. The egg is rejected from the body with her lining where the baby is made. It is very uncomfortable but doesn't last more than a week every month" she explained calmly._

_Jean gave a concerned look "Does it hurt them?" he asked worriedly. Mama was a girl too; did that mean she had one?_

_Jean's mother gave him a gentle smile "Yes Jean; but it varies for every girl. Some are worse than others. However, during that time, you must be very understanding and respectful understand?" she said firmly._

_Jean nodded and smiled "Yes mama" he said proudly. If a girl was hurting and sore he would always take care of her no matter what._

_ **Now** _

Jean hesitated and gripped his hands into balls on his lap. He then bowed his head awkwardly "Madoka…." He said shyly. He had been to young to understand back then; but looking at it now he could see that it was a very shitty thing for girls to go through.

"Hmm?" Madoka responded quietly her purple eyes gentle. He looked uncomfortable; was he feeling ok? Did he need to pee or something? His body posture had stiffened and was less relaxed.

Jean blushed feeling like he was being rude "Are…. are you…. I mean…." He stammered shyly. This was something personal after all; not anything to do with him. However he couldn't help but speak his mind; he was just that type of guy.

Madoka blinked; He had gone from being worried to really awkward within a short space of time. She had said it was ok for him to be here; he was doing nothing wrong. Could it be he was bored or something?

Jean took a deep breath and decided to bit the bullet "Are you on your period?" he said bluntly his face red with embarrassment. There was a long and awkward silence between the two teens and the candle in the room flickered quietly making a large shadow in the corner.

Madoka looked away quietly her cheeks heated with shyness and gripped her shawl quietly. How did he know? Didn't Ymir say that guys didn't understand such a thing. So how on earth had he known about such a thing?

Jean looked away nervously knowing he had got the answer on the dot. However, he felt like a jerk for making her uncomfortable but the silence was worse. "M….My mum. She told me about it a long time ago. I was asking her about babies and well…. she kind of explained it" he explained awkwardly.

Madoka relaxed but her blush didn't leave her cheeks "I… I see" she said shyly. Well he knew so there was no need to hide it anymore. But it was surprising that Jean had even had to have a talk about such a thing with his mother; perhaps he had been a curious child.

Jean then gave her a sympathetic look; it seemed Madoka had gotten the short end of the stick and was one of the heavy bleeders. That had to suck pretty bad. "Are you in much pain?" he asked cautiously. He had heard she had been drinking medicinal herbs in tea to help with her abdomen pains.

Madoka hesitated and avoided his eye contact; she was hurting but there was nothing he could do. She would just have to cope for a few more days with this female problem. I mean the pain varied from just being uncomfortable to her curling up in a ball mid working and crying on the floor.

She didn't need to speak for Jean to know; Madoka was the type of person who would never openly admit how painful something was until it was found out. I mean during that training when that knife scratched her face she didn't make a big deal out of it despite the fact she could have lost her eye.

He then reached out to place a hand on her forehead causing her cheeks to heat with more than just the fever caused by her period. This was the first time he had touched her so intimately; it felt really nice.

" _He's touching me! Jean is touching me!"_ Madoka cried nervously. Holy shit this was both the happiest and most shocking moment of her entire life. His hands were bigger and firmer than her small ones; but they were gentle and he was being careful with her. They were a little cold from the outside but she didn't mind.

Jean frowned in concern "Jeez your burning up; I should get you a flannel" he said firmly. He didn't want her to suffer in silence if he could help her in some way. If she cooled off she would feel so much better.

He then got up quietly causing her to panic; he was leaving? But he had only been here 5 minutes! If he left, he wouldn't come back. Mikasa was out this evening and she always caught his eye more than she had. Mikasa didn't need to speak in order to catch his attention; she stood out anyway.

If he left, he would be side-tracked by her and not come back. While she was one of his companion's now she knew, he had Mikasa on the brain a lot of the time. Despite the fact that she didn't show any knowledge of his crush; the two still spoke a lot.

She gripped his sleeve quickly causing him to look back at her in surprise. She looked really upset at him going to get a something to cool her off. "Don't go…" she said bitterly. She knew she could never compete with Mikasa but she would never give up on him; she really loved him.

She had been in love with him for most of the three years they had been training. He had stood out with his beaming brown eyes and strong determination. Giving her the strength not to give up; his confidence helping her believe that she could fight.

But it seemed he only had eyes for the silent and powerful Mikasa Ackerman. She had always remained silent feeling she never stood a chance with Jean. However now they were training together and along with Marco they were a team. She didn't want to lose him after working so hard to get his attention.

Jean looked at her in confusion; she would feel much better if she cooled off. High fevers caused you to hallucinate and become on edge due to feeling so shit. "Madoka; I'm only to get water and a cloth. I promise I'll be right back" he reassured her kindly. He knew how lonely she would be by herself so he hated leaving her alone.

Madoka knew he was telling the truth but she couldn't help but feel worried. She had always been compared to Mikasa and she was sick of it; her hairstyle, her eyes, her personality and her abilities; she always felt like she had to compete to prove herself.

Never being as good as her; being mistaken as Mikasa from behind, being teased for her name being 100 Asian instead of German. She was never good enough and yet she still had hope. Because he made her feel special; he was the first person to help her find out what she was truly capable of.

Her mother had indeed been a pure blood Asian descent with short bangs and a widow's peak; her eyes being a grayish silver colour However, she only knew this from photo's because she died giving birth to her.

Madoka's own eyes were a unique birth defect called "Alexandria Genesis" a rare gene in which the eyes turned completely purple. Going from simply light lilac to her complete dark purple. Though some kids had teased her about it when she was young calling her a freak; others had complimented her on it.

Her father had been a white male with dark brown hair and blue eyes; born and raised in Germany. He had helped raise her until his untimely death during the break in the had run together until he was trapped between a wall with Titans coming for them. He had pushed her through a crack which led to the gates while he stayed behind.

As she ran to safety she watched him get snapped in two and devoured; blood splashing everywhere and the sound of his bones snapping and crunching. However she locked down these memories as to not allow herself to be deterred. But sometimes she still had nightmares about it; the day she escaped the titans.

She swallowed quietly; she didn't need a flannel to cool off. Though it would take time she would happily sit outside with him and watch the stars. Even if she got sick she didn't care; it would be worth it. To be able to be in such a romantic setting; on the porch watching the stars together would be truly wonderful.

However, she wouldn't be able to move due to her abdomen pain. Yet she didn't want him to go anywhere since she hadn't seen him in a while. It had been a week since she had spoken to him. Because of her period she hadn't been able to train with him due to being enrolled with chores and her partners were someone like Sasha or Mina.

She gripped her fist tightly mustering all the courage she could manage "You…. You could do it" she said bravely. All he had to do was keep her close and absorb the fever. While most would expect nudity for such a thing; really all you needed to do was absorb their heat which could be done by getting close to them physically.

Jean felt himself blush all over again; he hadn't expected such a bold statement from a girl. However, Madoka was full of surprises and yet again she had shocked him. He never knew she had read of such things; god this reminded him of a talk Reiner and the others had about cuddling girls the other night.

However, he had never so much as been close to a girl before. He was used to being around his mother but speaking to girls or being intimate with them was not something he knew of. I mean...he had imagined it inside his head but never actually gotten to be around someone.

Madoka looked away quietly her expression awkward "N…Not in that way. Just…. just lay beside me…." she explained shyly. Not that she hadn't thought about touching Jean or being affectionate with him; but...but that would be in the future.

Her stomach hurt causing her discomfort and it was lonely by herself. Plus, he was just helping her with her fever, wasn't he? Besides she didn't care about what rumours came out of this. People spoke about stupid shit all the time didn't they?

She loved Jean and he liked her; so, what did it matter what other people thought of this. They were most likely just jealous and wished for the same thing. I mean she had noticed a few of the other cadets had eyes for someone too; but were bad at showing it.

Jean didn't know what to say; he had no problem with it. But they were just friends, weren't they? What if people spread rumours which may upset her? Well they weren't friends but they were allies; she showed a lot of care towards him and blushed a lot around him. However, he didn't know what to think or say about it.

Madoka looked up at him pleadingly " _Please_ Jean; I really can't settle" she said truthfully. She had tried but she was too uncomfortable; but maybe he could help. There was something about that just...made her feel happy, safe and protected.

Jean mentally contemplated the situation before them; they were alone meaning anything was possible. Nobody would be coming back for a while so they could enjoy each other's company. Besides he had a feeling he might fall asleep before then; he was pretty tired from training today, Marco hadn't gone easy on the wrestling.

However, anyone could come back at any time; he could be called a pervert and anyone could say anything about them. He didn't need someone making assumptions about their current relationship. They were allies and friends at the minute; but he did feel something else for her...but he didn't know what yet.

Eventually he relented and climbed onto the bed beside Madoka and gripped her hand gazing into her violet eyes with his own brown ones. The shadows of the candlelight making her look even prettier than the night before under the moonlight.

Though Mikasa had beautiful hair; Madoka had the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen on someone. Like the colour of jewels, they shone in the light and stood out in darkness. Her skin was pale and luminous; compared to Mikasa's Oval shaped face, Madoka had a heart shaped face and her bangs made her look angelic.

Madoka smiled and moved closer to him moving her forehead close to his so they were face to face. His eyes were even prettier up close and he smelled like fresh air and soap. His hair was soft and while the colours were unusual it looked really good on him; only highlighting his rebellious nature.

Jean blushed the colour of a pomegranate and stiffened; he knew she was sick but he was really nervous. His hand was probably really sweaty now too which he felt bad about. But could you blame him? A super cute girl he had only met 2 weeks ago was now laying beside him in bed with angelic eyes.

Her eyes softened and eventually closed as she settled; a small smile on her face as she began to lose herself to sleep. She didn't feel lonely anymore and his hand was so comforting in hers. She hadn't felt something like this since her father died; back when he would help her sleep when she had a bad dream.

Jean didn't say anything; he was too stunned by what was going on. He couldn't leave or she would wake up. I mean she had asked him to stay but what if the others came back? He would hate for Sasha to ask questions she had no business in or Ymir thinking too deeply into something.

" _Don't go!"_ her sad voice echoed in his ears. Thinking about it made him feel guilty; she had really been upset about him thinking about going. Jean relented and sighed heavily; one night wouldn't hurt him and besides it was better than being pestered by Yeager or Connie.

While the girls would question it, he doubted they would do much as make him leave. He had seen a few of them giggling when he and Madoka were together; meaning they already hoped they would get together.

Besides it's not like anything weird was going on; they were literally lying next to each other holding hands. Siblings did that all the time; hell, kids did it with their parents at some point.

He gripped his free hand quietly and laid it over her loosely. His gaze softened and eventually he felt himself growing weary as sleep began to overcome him. " _Let them talk; it's no big deal"_ Jean thought to himself firmly. It didn't really matter anyway; because they both would know the truth.


	6. Chasing love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa helps Madoka out when she is suffering from bad pains. The two have a conversation at the barracks and become closer  
> Jean also contemplates his feelings for Madoka with Marco

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff

Madoka sat in the kitchen quietly peeling potatoes for tonight's dinner completely zoned out and yet somehow still able to work. She was still on day two of her period and the pains were not getting any better. God, she wished they would just stop already. She didn't know how much longer she could handle this pain; it felt like she was being stabbed by knives. How had she not passed out from blood loss?

She had no idea of how she was going to cope with this for a large majority of her life. All this pain and discomfort for the sake of not being pregnant. And it had to happen every month for crying out loud! She wished she could just remove her womb for a week until it was over.

This better be worth it for not being carrying another human inside of her. Why the hell did she have to be punished like this for not procreating with another a guy anyway? God she didn't understand human biology; it was so damn complicated.

She hunched over painfully and bit her lip trying to focus on anything but the pain. Her abdomen hurt really badly and the herbs were not doing as well as before. She needed to find an alternate method and fast or she wouldn't be able to cope.

Her body felt sore and she had a slight amount of queasiness in her body; but not enough to effect her badly. All she wanted to do was lay down on her bunk and ignore the rest of the world before until she felt better.

Her body ached (especially around her abdomen and between her legs), she felt bloated, she couldn't control her emotions and she had on and off nausea. She was lucky that right now she was only moody and sore instead of the other things mentioned.

She had no idea of how her mother and other women in the world dealt with this kind of pain every month. She never knew this kind of pain could exist before experiencing it. She thought the idea of being eaten by a titan was the only painful thing before this; boy was she wrong.

She felt like her abdomen was being stabbed with knives and she wanted to cry. She felt so many emotions at once and it was hard for her to even focus on anything but the pain. Earlier it hadn't been so bad but now she felt like she was going to pass out and worried she may be bleeding to death.

Madoka was so busy concentrating on having to peel the potatoes and something other the pain in her belly she had no idea that someone had just entered the room. Her mind was completely blank and she was unable to process anything very well right now.

"Madoka…" a female voice said in a concerned manner. She had come to check up on Madoka after being asked to by Shadis; however, she hadn't expected her to look so bad. Her face was pale, she looked like she was in serious pain and like she was trying not to cry. She had gotten her period some time ago and her pain had been rather severe.

However, her pain varied from severely painful to just a dull ache (which she was thankful for). But she knew there were women out there who got the short end of the stick. It seemed to be that Madoka had sadly been one of those girls who got the short end which was pretty shitty for her in this case.

Madoka blinked snapping back to reality and looked up quietly to see Mikasa Ackerman; her twin of the 105th trainees. The woman she was constantly mistaken for and the object of Jean's affections; she didn't really know how to feel right now.

"M…. Mikasa!" Madoka stammered awkwardly trying to compose herself. This woman was not only the strongest soldier amongst the trainees but also someone she somewhat admired. However this did not mean she constantly kissed Mikasa's ass she just longed to be as strong as her someday.

While she was jealous of Mikasa and her natural ability and the fact she was her crushes object of affection. She felt an odd bond with Mikasa being the only other Asian she knew. Yes she was aware how odd that felt but until now she had never really met someone else of Asian descent before.

They could relate on not really fitting in, having people stare at them and ask them stupid questions every now and again. A few times they had both been asked if people could touch their hair. The two had an unspoken bond and understanding for each other that was hard to understand.

Mikasa gave her a sympathetic look "Shadis sent me to check up on you. You look like you've been suffering in silence for some time" she said kindly. She wondered how long Madoka had been sitting here hunched over gripping the peeler. She was surprised the potato hadn't been broken from how hard she was holding it.

There was slight leakage between her legs (not that she would have noticed) and she looked pale and tired. The poor girl needed rest more than anything. Her womb lining was being torn out of her and falling from between her legs; of course she would be in pain.

Madoka hesitated then bowed her head her bangs covering her face a little "N…No I'm fine. I can handle it" she lied. She wanted to at least do some work; she was already behind on training. She didn't want to look like a slacker because of her female problems. There had to be something she could do to be of help if she couldn't train.

Mikasa frowned at her comment and approached Madoka quietly and placed her hands on the girl's shoulders. She didn't have to force herself to suffer for the sake of her own pride. "Madoka; you look like you're going to pass out. Pushing yourself in this state will not do you any good" she said sternly. She could see the girl was in a great deal of pain.

Madoka's purple eyes widened in surprise and then she nodded obediently. She then allowed Mikasa to take the peeler from her quietly and place it at the sink with the potatoes. There was no point in arguing with Mikasa; she knew from observing Eren and other trainees that it would always end badly no matter what way you looked at it.

"Eren has been sent to replace you. I should take you back to the barracks to rest" she said firmly. She would happily help clean her up and change so she could be in comfort. She wouldn't let Madoka suffer on her own; she had already been sitting here bleeding and close to passing out before she got here.

She knew just how painful this experience could be and she felt nothing but pity for the girl. But during this time of the month they had to stick together and work as a team. Periods were one of the hardest biological issues that women had to deal with in life; that is next to eventual childbirth when they found their significant other someday.

Madoka nodded once more in agreement and allowed the black eyed girl to help her up. Looking at her up close she could see how someone would mistake her for Mikasa; as much it annoyed her when people tended to do such a thing.

They had a similar hairstyle only hers was longer than Mikasa's and their bangs were very different. But that didn't make her feel any better knowing she was Mikasa's clone in some way. She wanted to be recognized as her own person and respected for her individual skills as a soldier.

Mikasa placed her arm around Madoka's shoulder supportively and helped her walk. Every movement made Madoka feel like she wanted to cry from the pain and not move another step. It felt like knives in her abdomen stabbing her constantly without any end; getting worse with every passing second.

The other girl saw Madoka wincing in pain and gave her an apologetic look "Sorry; I'll get there as soon as possible" Mikasa said gently. She could see moving was only causing her more pain but she couldn't stay here and bleed all by herself.

"I…Its ok. J…Just go slowly" Madoka said in an understanding tone. She knew Mikasa was trying to help and all pains during this time were different for all women. She was only glad that she was being patient and not rushing her like Ymir would; saying how she was getting blood everywhere.

_ **Meanwhile** _

Jean stared off into the distance quietly blanking out everyone and everything else. His mind wondering to Madoka and wondering if she was ok. She had seemed really pale and weak the last time they spoke. She had reassured him she felt better because of the medicine but knew she could have been lying.

Madoka had a track record of keeping her problems to herself and feeling like a bother. He hated that; she had a right to be selfish and have someone baby her once in a while. She was only human and they all had moments of dealing with weakness; be it physical or emotional at the time.

"ean…. JEAN!" a voice yelled loudly. He had been blanking out for a while now which was not like him at all; but he had a guess of what he was thinking about. God who knew that there would be a day when Jean would see someone other than Mikasa and act like a love-struck fool.

Jean snapped out of his train of thoughts and blinked curiously looking around himself. He had been so out of it he had forgotten where he was and what the hell was even going on. He was barely even aware of his surroundings or the sounds of other trainees fighting against one another.

Marco sighed heavily and stared at Jean in frustration; he was obviously worrying about Madoka again. While it was sweet to see him so happy, it was interfering with his training as a soldier. Had he forgotten about his dream of joining the survey police and living inside the inner walls to keep his family safe from harm?

"Sorry Marco…I... I was thinking" Jean apologized bowing his head shamefully. He couldn't help it; to imagine her in so much pain because of not carrying a baby; it seemed so unfair. He was grateful he would never have to deal with such a thing and respected the pains that women had to deal with.

Marco blinked and smiled in amusement at Jean's expression "I can tell. She's really gotten to you, hasn't she?" he teased playfully. It seemed Jean had a case of puppy love; but everyone experienced it at some point in their lives regardless of what age it was.

But secretly he was happy to see Jean like this; even if he did look like a bit of a goofball. Jean never seemed to catch a break with Mikasa and now he had someone sweet like Madoka worrying over him all the time.

Jean seemed to learn to tone down his temper and act more accordingly and less brash; acting more like the leader and gentleman Marco knew he was. In return Madoka seemingly started to come out of her shell and smile more.

Though everyone else would call it a crush and something he would get over in time. He secretly hoped otherwise; Jean was a sweet guy and Madoka was quiet and shy yet capable of acting fiery from time to time. As shown when she attacked Jean that time during training when he told her to accept her rage.

The two brought out the best in each other; emotionally and mentally. Jean learned not to be a dick as much and act more sensitive to other people's feelings. Madoka was able to act out a little and show her moodiness a little instead of being quiet and reserved.

Jean blushed and looked away but Marco was right as always. There was nothing you could hide from the guy; he just always seemed to know "I…I'm just worried. I know periods are supposed to be really shitty and all…" he explained awkwardly.

He couldn't even begin to imagine how much pain she was in; on top of that they were limited on options of pain relief. He was only glad to be born a guy and would do whatever he could to make it better for her. He couldn't make it go away or stop; but he could help make her day or mood better. He knew that him paying visits made Madoka happy.

Marco blinked and was actually surprised to hear such a thing from Jean. He never expected him to be so well informed on the female anatomy (unless his mum told him). He then smiled gently "Yeah that's true. How about we visit her after practice. Might help ease your mind a little" he suggested.

Jean perked up upon hearing this his brown eyes lighting up "Really?" he said hopefully. He would feel so much better knowing she was ok and being able to check on her to ease his worries. No longer imagining worse case scenarios of her having to deal with her ovaries punishing her.

Marco approached the ash haired boy and gripped his shoulders supportively "I promise" he said reassuringly. If he was honest he found the crush he had on Madoka rather cute. Seeing Jean acting like something other than an ass and constantly showing his pride off to annoy other people.

Marco smiled mischievously and then suddenly kicked Jean behind the leg causing the boy to lose balance and fall on his back with a loud oof. It was his fault for not being on guard; he should have known better after all their training.

Jean then looked up at Marco with confusion and annoyance at what had just happened. Just why the hell did he do a thing like that out of nowhere? That was a low trick even for him. He knew they were training yet somehow he felt like he had been emotionally violated in some way.

Marco smiled cheekily at Jean's expression "What did you forget we were training?" he teased playfully. It was his own fault for leaving himself so wide open. Seeing him there sat on the ground looking completely baffled and wondering what to do with himself.

Jean blinked and then remembered they were in the training grounds; other people staring and some still lost to training. God, he really had been out of it hadn't he? seemed Madoka really had gotten to him more than he realized.

He frowned and sighed heavily upon realizing that Marco had won the argument "Yeah, yeah just help me up already" he grumbled. He better not say anything weird to Madoka about this or he would never live it down. Knowing he wasn't as bad-ass as she believed him to be.

He knew he wasn't exactly a cool guy nor was he a complete asshole; despite people believing him to be. He was just bad at conveying his feelings and got awkward since at this age you got teased for showing emotion.

But he did care more than people realized; he was a deeply emotional human being and he worried about her well being. The idea of her being in pain caused him to feel unhappy. The idea of anyone suffering unnecessarily made him feel angry inside; there was always another option even if someone told him otherwise.

Marco chuckled and reached out to help him up from the ground. Jean frowned but gratefully took his friends hand and got up from the floor. He then dusted himself off and gave Marco an annoyed look. He would get him back for that eventually; but for now, he had other things on his mind.

Shadis then yelled at them that practice was over and to go clean-up before dinner. Since Eren was taking over in the kitchen for meals; he would be late. The idea made him laugh and since Mikasa had been sent to look after Madoka he wouldn't have anyone babying him for once. Little Eren had to stand on his own feet for once.

_**Back at barracks** _

"You feeling any better?" Mikasa asked gently standing nearby her bunk. She had helped Madoka change into her normal clothes and lay on the bed; however, she wondered if the girl could even stomach food; nausea tended to be a problem during your period.

But she had to eat in order to keep her strength up; given her body was literally falling apart inside. But the other girl seemed to be in so much pain the smallest movement made her wince which made her concerned.

She only wished there was something she could do to help other than provide basic medical treatment. It hurt her to see someone suffering in front of her and being semi helpless. She was used to having an answer for everything but now she was lacking in anything she could provide.

Madoka turned her head and smiled gratefully at Mikasa "Yeah. The herbs helped my pains. I'm just feeling a little tired" she replied quietly. She really couldn't thank Mikasa enough for all she had done today. She kind of felt bad for always disliking her so much all because she was jealous.

Despite her high ranking in the class and unparalleled ability in the field; Mikasa was very humble and never boasted about any of her feats or skills. She was an incredibly loyal woman who looked out for her teammates and always made sure to see they were ok.

Mikasa hummed not overly convinced and sat beside Madoka quietly. She had come to notice Madoka had changed somewhat since her earlier days as a trainee. She had seemed happier and was daydreaming a lot lately. Her mind wondered to other places and she had been spending a lot more time with Jean.

For a while Madoka had only ever been friends with Marco and barely spoken to the other girls. But she seemed to come out of her shell since meeting Jean but had been admiring him for some time. Her eyes lighting up and her composure falling apart every time he came into the room or was even mentioned.

Though she was probably just assuming things she had a feeling that Madoka held feelings for Jean that were similar to what she felt for Eren. "Madoka?" she asked curiously. Her gut instinct told her what she was assuming was indeed correct and she never really was wrong about these sorts of things.

"Yes?" Madoka replied quickly her voice anxious. She then blushed at the high pitch of her voice; god she was acting like a small child being put on trial for doing something they shouldn't have.

"It's Jean. You have feelings for him, don't you?" she replied sternly. It was clear as day that Madoka harboured feelings for the 2-toned French boy. She seemingly acted more awkward and shyer around Jean than she did anyone else. On top of that he was the only person capable of making her blush.

But from what she had seen of Madoka's training and her fighting skills; she had a temper hidden deep down and courage that was lying dormant within her. But the one to bring that side of her out had been Jean; after he told her to picture it as someone she hated or disliked greatly.

Hadn't Jean been trying to make her feel better about herself? So why did she keep putting herself down and acting like a wallflower? She may not have been as strong as her but she was no weakling and was more than capable of handling herself from what she had heard.

Madoka felt her cheeks heat and avoided eye contact with the other girl. Mikasa wasn't half perceptive; no wonder she was at the top of the class. "I…um…he's…that is…." she stammered awkwardly. She never thought a day would come where she would be telling her romantic rival she had a thing for Jean.

I mean deep down she had always wondered how she could compare to Mikasa. Her natural flawlessness as a soldier and leadership skills were unbeatable. For a while she never believed that anyone would so much as give her a second glance until she befriended Marco.

Mikasa smiled and took Madoka's hand in her own gently caressing it supportively. The other girl was rather surprised and hesitantly returned the grip on the latter's hand showing her trust. The two teens staring into each others eyes having a silent conversation with each other.

"You need to stop putting yourself down and comparing yourself to me. You have many qualities that Jean will appreciate once you show him" she said reassuringly. She needed to have more confidence in herself as a woman and a soldier; it saddened Mikasa to think she looked at herself so poorly.

Madoka was a highly skilled student ranking at 5th in their class and rivaled the likes of Eren which was not an easy feat. However, compared to Eren she didn't brag about her abilities like her adopted brother; always making herself scarce when someone tried to confront her on them.

In fact, she more or less simply thanked said person who complimented her and said she wasn't that good. However, this would more often than not earn her a scoff from someone else. Everyone in their class knew how talented Madoka was; even Armin one of the smartest people in their group could see her natural abilities.

While she was seemingly softer spoken and quiet than the rest of them; she was loyal and strong willed. She kept to herself and wasn't an overly social creature but stood by those who were close to her. Never abandoning someone in need and always doing what she could to help even if they refused.

She was a very shy person and would blush manically when anyone complimented her. However, people tended to find that very adorable and earned her more admirers. There were more than a few guys who were interested in Madoka but most of them had been rejected by her and been depressed over it.

Madoka stared in awe at Mikasa; she couldn't believe she was giving her advice on her love life and skills as a soldier. This felt like a dream; but it was all too real as she could feel Mikasa's hand in her own. God she never would have seen this day come back when she first joined the ranks.

She then smiled gratefully an awkward expression on her face "Thank you Mikasa" she replied shyly. Who knew the likes of Mikasa could tell her what she wanted to hear? Easing all of her doubts and worries in an instant as if they had evaporated like water into steam under intense heat.

Mikasa smiled kindly and then looked her up and down taking in her appearance "I'll go tell Shadis you're feeling better. I do hope you can manage dinner; I know it would make Marco and Jean happy". She could imagine the looks of joy and relief on their faces upon her entering the dining hall.

With that she got to her feet and headed towards the door leaving Madoka alone with her thoughts. Mikasa gave Madoka a warm smile before opening the door and heading out into the night air; the light of the moon lightly gleaming atop her head like silver.

Madoka was then left in the silence staring at the ceiling and pondering over what Mikasa had just said. She never thought she would ever appreciate such words before in her life. " _You have many great qualities that Jean will appreciate when you show them to him"_ Mikasa's voice repeated in her head.

Madoka gripped her fists and her eyes became stern; a small flame of courage burning inside of her. Mikasa was right; she needed to show Jean the woman she was and win his heart instead of putting herself down.


End file.
